


This Person Sucks

by orphan_account



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Established Relationship, Joke Fic, M/M, Pet Names, REALLY BAD PET NAMES, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 10:53:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11530710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tom's boyfriend won't give him a piece of bacon, so he takes it out on Tumblr.





	This Person Sucks

**Author's Note:**

> It was going to be serious until I realized how I don't take anything seriously.

Tom had just woken up.

He's overheated from laying under the hot covers, he feels sticky and sweaty, he has a pain on the left side of his neck, and he isn't even fully awake yet. But none of that matters, because the moment he opened his eyes he smelled the delicious smell of bacon being cooked in the kitchen. So, like any other decent human being, Tom threw the covers back and walked bare-footed to the kitchen to see who was in there (and to eat some of that delicious bacon).

He lived in a house with three other boys his age and, all of whom, are in close relation to him. It's the usual routine to wake up and find one of them somewhere in the house, tending to their own duties. That being said, it's very uncommon to find someone cooking breakfast in the morning, mainly because everyone else in the house doesn't care enough about the others to cook for everyone.

Then again, there have been times when someone will cook a really intricate breakfast, but only to scarf it down all by themselves.

Making his way down the hallway, the smell of the bacon grows until Tom's mouth is practically watering. He's so close to the kitchen, and when he turns the corner to enter it, he all but gets down on his knees to thank the lord for this blessing.

There, in the kitchen, facing away from him, and wearing a lovely apron, is Tom's long-time boyfriend, Tord. The apron isn't what most people would call lovely, especially with it's grease stains and rough, white fabric, but it looks amazing on Tord and so Tom has to call it something to describe the attractiveness before his eyes. There's no way that his boyfriend won't share a piece of bacon with him, especially sense they love each other so much. Keeping this in mind, Tom strides into the kitchen with a cool look upon his face.

"Hey, Honeybutt~" Tom cooes as he nears closer to Tord, being close enough to wrap his arms around the other's midesection. Tord, however, jumps up from surprise and turns quickly around to see his boyfriend.

"Woa-- Hey..." Upon knowing that the only threat is his boyfriend, Tord visibly calms down, "Good morning, Pudding-pie." He chuckles and leans down to smooch Tom on the tip of his nose.

"Whatcha makin', bacon~" Tom pulls a smug look for making his horrible attempt at a cheesy joke, turning his head to look over Tord's shoulder at the sizzling frying pan, cooking two pieces of coca-cola flavored bacon.

"Mmm," Tord hums and wraps his own arms around Tom's waist. They'd usually get scolded for being intimate in the house like this, but they're the only ones awake this morning, so they rejoice in the close proximity. "I don't think you should worry about that."

"And why not?" Tom inquiries, setting his chin down on Tord's shoulder.

"Because you won't be having any."

"Wh--" Tom lifts up his head to look at Tord in question, his eyebrows knitting together as he gives the most confused look he can muster after just waking up minutes ago.

"This is my bacon. I made it myself." Tord smiles an ugly grin and suddenly Tom's love for his boyfriend drains ever so slightly.

"You're joking." The eyeless man scoffs.

"Nope."

"Sharing is caring, y'know."

"Early bird gets the worm." Tord brings his finger up to 'boop' Tom's nose, which only causes the other to get into an even fouler mood.

"Don't you love me?" Tom cannot believe he's asking this question out loud, sounding like some stay-at-home housewife, but he can't help himself. At this moment, he'll do anything to get that piece of bacon, even if it means losing a tiny bit of his dignity.

"Of course I do.~" Tord tries to lean in to kiss his boyfriend on the lips, but Tom unwraps his arms around the other and brings them to his chest, effectively pushing him back and stopping him from leaning in any further.

"Don't kiss me." He scowls.

"Sugarcake, don't be like that." Tord frowns, his arms wrapping even tighter around his boyfriend, bringing him even closer.

"No. Let go of me." Tom's already in a sour mood from being denied bacon in his time of need, so being forced into an intimate moment he doesn't want to do only makes him more angry. "I don't want to hug you right now."

"Then will you kiss me instead?" The apron-wearing Norwegian leans in to steal a kiss.

However, before he can make the full advancement, a sudden ugly sound of sizzling and cracking loudly fills the room. Tord pushes Tom back, in attempts to save him from danger, and turns around to the bacon to tend to it before it burns and cracks the pan.

While Tord is working on the pan, Tom is fuming. He had taken Tord's action of pushing him away as a sign of: 'get off, the bacon is more important'. Even though that isn't really the case, Tom huffs loudly and angrily, making it apparent how mad he is, and turns around to leave so fast that he almost cracks his neck.

He's already down the hallway, opening his bedroom door, by the time he hears a distant voice call out his name.

He doesn't even think twice about ignoring the call, already stepping into his room.

.:.

Tom, in his free time, likes to search the web for entertaining things. The internet is a magical place that always manages to warms his spirit, even when he's having a down day. Such as, today.

Especially sense his stupid, fucking, idiot of a boyfriend won't give give him any god damn bacon. Like, Jesus fuck, dude. It shouldn't be that hard to spare a piece. You aren't going to die if you don't have that one piece of bacon!

Another thing about Tom, is that he's a Tumblr fanatic. Already knowing about Tumblr makes you a horrible person, but being obsessed with it to the degree that Tom is, makes you Satan himself. Which is why no one, not even his stupid boyfriend, knows about his account on the popular, cancer-filled website.

His username was none other than: " _BluBowls_ "

He named himself after his bowling ball mom and his favorite color, blue. A lot of people laugh at his username, but he doesn't understand why. He's just a mamma's boy.

As soon as he logs into his account, he is met with his all time greatest enemy.

" _Gi8.Robo._ "

The idiot always had different points of views that Tom never supported, always ranting and raving about dumb things that never made sense. They were known in their Tumblr communities as big enemies, making everyone chose a side of who's team they were on. Unfortunately, both sides had equal amounts of support, so there was nothing to brag in terms of that.

Back to the point, when Tom logged in he had seen a new rant post that _Gi8.Robo_ made:

_"Okay. I just want to get this out there for everyone to see._

_If I find/make something with my own two hands and all by myself, that does not mean I need to share with you what I did/found._

_Please, don't get mad at me for no apparent reason. If you're so upset, go make your own thing._

_Thanks and goodnight._

_-Gi8.Robo"_

Not only was his whole rant pointless and stupid, but his supports bombarded his post with praise and alike opinions on the same matter.

Kitty.Kitten said: _"Ugh!! I totally agree!! We should meet sometime and talk about this... ;)"_

Uhm.excuseme said: _"People like that should die."_

Minty-Babe said: _"HECK YEAH!!"_

Already feeling angry from earlier today, this just put him in a worse mood. This reminded him of the incident in the kitchen earlier this morning, which is exactly why Tom feels personally attacked.

 _ **BluBowls**_ said: _"Haha, that's so funny. You're joking, right?? Right?!_

_You have to be an idiot to think that not sharing is the best way to show someone that they matter to you._

_Stop being a dick and share something you made. Maybe then, they'll see that what you made is an even bigger piece of shit than you._

_Thanks!_

_-BluBowls"_

His reply was almost immediate.

_Gi8.Robo said: "What you said was so utterly stupid that I almost shot myself in the head.  
I don't need to share anything with anybody. It's my thing, I can do what I want with it."_

**_BluBowls_** said: "Wow, you must have  
been loved a lot as a kid. Not sharing?  
You must be the most popular kid on the playground."

_Gi8.Robo said: "For your information, I was loved a lot as a kid. Probably more than you were loved."_

**_BluBowls_** said: "Lowbrow. Wow.  
That's mature of you. Have you  
moved on from wearing diapers?"

_Gi8.Robo said: "Lowroad. Super mature."_

_**BluBowls** said: "Delete your account."_

It's then, that Tom hears a loud yell and a bang coming from a room down the hallway. He usually isn't a very curious person, but he'd do anything to stop himself from continuing to talk to _Gi8.Robo_ more.

He exits his room and tiptoes down the hallway. He's pretty sure that the noise came from his boyfriend's room, so he carefully walks up to the door and presses his ear to the wooden surface.

The only noise he can hear is furious tapping noises on a keyboard.

Being the caring and curious boyfriend he is, Tom places his hand against the knob and slowly turns it, pushing the door open with ease so that he can come inside undetected.

When he opens it wide enough to see inside of, he spots Tord practically crying tears of rage. He's sitting on his desk chair, in front of his laptop, and rubbing his head angerily as he types a long, thought out message.

"Booboo-bear?" Tom calls out to his boyfriend.

Tord, in response, jerks back and whips his head around to see Tom at the doorway of his room.

"Ah! Tom!" He's surprised, then his eyes narrow, "What are you... doing here?"

It's then that Tom catches a glimpse of what's on Tord's computer screen.

IT WAS PR0N!!

Haha jk.

IT WAS _BLUBOWLS_ AND _GI8.ROBO'S_ CHAT BOX!!

"I could ask you the same question," Tom pushes Tord out of the way from in front of the computer, looking at it a lot closer, "Why are YOU here?" He points at the screen, right where BlueBowls said their last message.

"Okay, you got me." Tord lifts his hands up in a mock-surrender gesture, "I only came to get something I left be--"

"Tord, we aren't doing that again." Tom cuts him off.

"Ugh, fine." Tord grumbles, "I actually have a Tumblr account and my username is Gi-Eight-Robo."

"Wait, so _you're_ the person the I've been talking to?"

"Wait, so _you're_ blue balls?"

"It's pronounced _blue bowls_."

"Yeah whatever."

.:.

And that's the story of their undying, romantic love for each other.

Jk, they totally end up killing each other.


End file.
